My Facebook status has changed and along with great sex comes great responsibility. Recently it was decided that it would be mutually agreeable to both of us if we switched to a more suitable method of contraceptive. After some thought and discussion it was decided that me taking a birth control pill would be appropriate so I made a date with my ObGyn. Dr W.
After the usual dinner and a movie with his speculum Dr. W. supported my decision to go on the pill and offered some encouraging words that included the flattering line "everything is architecturally perfect" or wait....was that something Patricia Neal said to Gary Cooper in "The Fountainhead"?
That clip is perfect because that is exactly how I was behaving after being on a steady dose of progesterone for only one week. I would have done that too, but I don't have a horse to ride and more importantly if I showed up to John's workplace and whipped him across the face with a riding crop I would be in some serious trouble.
It became very apparent, very quickly that this birth control pill was turning into a mirth control pill. I produced more irrational tears and menstrual blood in that three week period than I did my last three years of High School. It was awful and I was loosing my mind. My Doctor chose to take his vacation during this time so I decided to white knuckle it through those last two weeks thinking that the side effects would dissipate, but they didn't. Forgetfulness is a side effect so I don't remember all the insane ranting I must have subjected John to. But I'm sure it was spectacular in delivery and informative in it's content.
I started taking a new one this week and it's a little better. My head is clear now but the morning sickness is hideous. The irony of it all. To avoid pregnancy I have to be subjected to it's more unpleasant symptoms. Shouldn't I be glowing?
The last time I took the pill "Out Of Africa" won Best Picture at the Oscars. Some serious time had passed since then and I was informed that "today's pill" had minimal side effects and I had no reason to think otherwise. Hey, the pill just celebrated it's 50th anniversary this past May. Here's a quick history of oral contraceptives
The first Gynecologist was a Greek called Soranus. (real name) His suggestions for oral contraceptives were a series of bat shit crazy concoctions containing oils, fruits, grains, and other vegetable matter. He also suggested drinking the water that the blacksmiths used to cool hot metals. Other oral contraceptives included urine and animal parts along with mercury, arsenic, or strychnine. (Please consult your village wizard before trying any of these yourself.)
There is a Nicholas Ray movie called "Bigger than Life". In it James Mason starts taking a new wonder drug called Cortisone. In the movie he becomes so dependent on the drug that It makes him slowly lose his mind until by the end he's chasing his young son around the house wielding a bible and a pair of scissors. "A handful of hope that became a fistful of hell"
Again, I could totally have seen myself doing this too..... wait, maybe I did. No, John would have mentioned that and besides I don't have a bible in my home.
