This cartographic flight of fancy stuck with me and from that point on I embraced all of the Tolucas. Toluca Woods, Toluca Terrace, Toluca Lake West and finally Toluca Pines (the nickname for the block I live on). I even have an imaginary movie star who lives in the area. She resides in a ramshackle guest house out back of what was once Bob Hope's property. She's fabulous, cranky and if you catch her at a certain time of the afternoon tipsy enough, she'll tell you the sordid tale of how she came to blow the head honcho of Pepsodent in the master bathroom of the main house. Her name is Toluca Bankshot and she smells like a dusty Camay soapbar. This part of the San Fernando Valley has an eclectic cast of characters that easily rivals Hollywood, but what I saw today was a first for me.
There were two women chatting away innocently enough on the sidewalk out front of a fence less property that had a lovingly tended garden. One of the women was around 30 years of age and her body was barely covered by a flimsy summer dress that I recognized from the store window of the Fashion Q located in what remains of the Valley Plaza Shopping Center. The other was older and she was dressed in an ankle length, long sleeve burka-esque inspired outfit complete with jeans as an un ironic petticoat, sneakers and hijab. I'm explaining what they were wearing because this fashion juxtaposition got me wondering... who was really the more sexually objectified female out of the two of them?
From there my mind wondered into thoughts of what colored marabou robe the fading Ms Bankshot may be adorning today. Then I was crudely jolted back into reality.
The older of the women out of nowhere casually removed the pants from the 3-4 year old boy that was with them and then gestured, with a pointed finger, to the perfectly manicured front lawn to which they were standing beside. She then loudly directed him in an ancient language I did not recognize to, what I roughly translated as, "take a shit over there". The small child indeed took a dump as nonchalantly as any canine I had ever witnessed. The woman never attempted to pick up her young charge's turd and so I assumed she'd been, what we commonly call in the business "caught short". I enthusiastically called out from across the street "Hey Lady, do you need a poop bag?" Neither women responded to me despite seeing me wave to them the unmistakable blue plastic semaphore signal.
That child took a dump in North Hollywood. That would kind of thing would never happen in Toluca Lake Adjacent, Dear.
