I had a rather bizarre conversation today with Los Angeles’s City Attorney Carmen Trutanich. He’s up for re-election in a couple of days and it’s a tight race.*
I recognized him as he walked over to me and I was all prepared for some bullshit "vote for me" claptrap. But that wasn’t what happened at all.
In lieu of the usual introductions he instead bounded up to me and launched into a heartfelt story about he came upon his dog ‘Lucky’. He had rescued him from wandering along a busy Los Angeles freeway. He came across as reflective and a little melancholy, not the gregarious “wiseguy” I was kind of expecting to be confronted with. After he wound up his delightful story I gladly put out my hand to introduced myself.
“My name is Kathy Ashe and I live here in North Hollywood. I’m the owner Of L.A. Pet Tech.” (I had a sign up with my logo on it.)
He shook my hand and said “ People call me ‘Nuch’” he then curiously dropped the volume of his voice and followed up with a relatively mousey “I’m the City Attorney.”
I knew who he was and I wanted to say “Not for much longer” but instead responded with “Funny, you don’t talk like Carmen Trutanich”
He laughed loudly and then asked me what I was doing at the market. I told him I was volunteering my time minding dogs for people as they walked around the farmers market because, as he may or may not know, it’s unlawful for people to take their dogs inside. Being one of the city’s top law enforcers I thought he’d be impressed. Instead his response to this was...
“Well you know what they say?”
“No, what’s that?” I asked curiously.
“Dogs are great chick magnets” he announced.
As soon as he said this he realized how inappropriate it was and he scrambled a little by looking over at his driver/bodyguard for the proverbial “am I right?” validation much like a stand up comedian would do. The validation was was not forthcoming.
It was such a spectacularly awkward moment for him mostly that I felt guilty languishing in the delicious silence. So I folded and chose to show some mercy putting him out of his misery.
“Is that why you called your dog ‘Lucky’?” I quipped.
He was instantly relieved and laughed again louder dropping his guard even more.
“You’re funny!” he said.
“You’re welcome” I replied.
I should mention at this point there were no cameras and no reporters with him. At this exact moment, as if scripted, he reached into his pocket to look at his vibrating phone. “It’s the newspaper” he told his interrupting device. No one else was in earshot of us other than perhaps his security detail who didn't acknowledge the comment so I felt obliged to presumptively respond “Do you need to take that?” He put the phone back in his pocket and simply launched into another wonderful story about the way his cat ‘Max’ came into his life during his first campaign trail. The near feral street cat repeatedly jumped into his lap each time he sat down. It was remarkable!
From there we segued into a candid discussion about personal responsibilities to one’s community, the impact of smart phones on children’s developmental abilities and what does it mean to “get out of ones own way” amongst other things. The flow ended when I busted out with a sigh, what I thought was a common quote. “Youth is wasted on the young” He was taken aback and enthusiastically replied as if hearing it for the first time. “You’re right. It is!”
I hesitated for a minute then admitted “Yeah, Carmen, I didn’t come up with that. It’s a George Bernard Shaw quote....or maybe it’s Dorothy Parker....I’m not sure.”
He seemed to ignore this clarification as he drifted off into his thoughts momentarily returning to say in an absentminded fashion...
“Oh Kathy, If I had known then what I know now”, he paused, drifting off again even further “I would have been unstoppable......absolutely unstoppable. I’m sure of it.”
This sounded prophetic and ominous coming from a politician days away from a hotly contested election.
I hesitated then gingerly offered up “It sounds to me like you think you won’t be re-elected.....and maybe that’s for the best?”
He laughed and put his hand out “It was great to meet you. I really enjoyed our conversation”
“Me too. Thanks for coming over to say Hi” I said. I meant it too.
I was left thinking. “Is he a closeted Socialist or a closeted Sociopath?”
I gave the nod to his security detail and he gave me the nod back. Marking the exchange unofficially terminated.
As they disappeared into the market a fellow vendor raced up to me exclaiming “Holy Shit, do you know who that was?” before I could answer he continued “What were you talking about all this time? I mean, was he hitting on you?” “Did you tell him about the bullshit parking restrictions on the market’s permit?”
“No.” I said. “But if he gets re-elected I am going to call in a favor he now owes me”
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